Mid-Life Crisis
“Clear your mind…” It’s kind of a weird phrase really. I, for one, have no idea how to do that. My mind is in overdrive in recent days… so are my emotions. So much is happening inside me and all around me, and I literally can’t process it all. I am feeling exhausted just from thinking through things. I have been trying to get to the bottom of what I am supposed to be doing, while at the same time trying to process what I have been through for the last decade or so, and still trying desperately to be present in the moment with those with whom I share my life on a daily basis.
I am scared and also excited as I think about what the future holds for my family in this adventure we are currently on.
Is this mid-life crisis? Am I caught in the middle of a much-debated Western societal phenomenon because of my age and phase in life? Is that why I am having such a difficult time thinking clearly about who I am, and at the same time feeling depressed about what I lack, how I don’t measure up, and how I have wasted so much time in my life not being the person I should be and want to be?
I am not sure if I even buy the notion that mid-life crisis is legit. But here are some facts:
- I am in the mid-life phase. It pains me to even articulate that. I have always hated birthdays… although I know the alternative to getting older isn’t great.
- I am feeling vulnerable to depressed thoughts of how my life hasn’t measured up. My accomplishments and relationships are not as deep as I would like. Maybe I am hard on myself. Maybe not.
- My family (including me) are in transition, and not just in terms of my career either. There are several things happening which are transitory in nature that we are journeying through.
- There is a big part of me that simply wants to buy a motorcycle, hit the road with my buddies, and let what’s left of my hair blow in the breeze. A road trip sounds perfect… but maybe I’ll rent “Wild Hogs” and try to get it out of my system.
Then there’s Margie. My poor wife. She has been amazing through this process I am in. Very patient and strong. But I think she is hitting her breaking point in terms of the unknown of our future. We simply need to get to the bottom of what we’re supposed to do starting in the Fall.
I guess I should do some more thinking…
6 Responses to “Mid-Life Crisis”
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…with you, bro’…
love you guys!
continuing to pray!
You and your family are amazing, have always had an open home and been there for people. I hope you have some clarity, deep reflection and good fun during this time of transition
agreed, you guys are incredible. You’ve done more for so many people than you know. You and your family have changed my life and many others.
Thanks for your encouraging words, everybody.
Hey Pernell,
Sorry for the lack of contact lately. Been going through some family stuff, mainly concerning my family in the UK.
I can identify with a lot of what you write here. As I hit 44 this year I found myself wondering if I really am where I thought I would be by now and if I really want to continue down this road. Recently, a question from the local Anglican Priest concerning following one’s dreams really struck a chord with me, but I’m not sure yet where that will lead.
Anyway, enough of that. I continue to pray that things will become clearer for you and the family in the coming weeks, and I look forward to seeing where all of that takes you.
Blessings
William