I Am Unemployed…

6 CommentsTuesday • August 31, 2010 • by Pernell

… for the first time in my adult life.

Sunday night our family attended our final worship gathering at the church community we moved to Hamilton to start more than nine years ago. It was a beautiful gathering with people we really love. People told stories, shared their feelings, reminisced, talked about the influence we have been in their lives, and articulated their love for our family… oh, and we ate delicious food together too. It was really humbling and incredible. They had put together a scrap book for us with photos, stories, comments, etc. from the past nine years… and gave us a gorgeous painting which had been painted by one of the adults with developmental disabilities who we work with. Needless to say, we will never forget that gathering… and we will certainly never forget The Freeway community and the impact they have had on our lives.

The thing is, I have been leading The Freeway for a quarter of my life. As can be expected, it is with very mixed emotions that I prepare for the next leg of the journey:

Excited. I am excited to explore new ways for us to live authentic, holistic, mission-shaped, Christian lives. I like new challenges. New opportunities. New chances to be creative. New beginnings. New stories to be told. I have been dreaming a lot about what type of a life / community we want to be part of / help create.

Sad. I love The Freeway community. I mean, I really love them. I have found (and been radically changed by) an amazing, supportive, authentic community of people. I also love Hamilton. I love our neighbourhood. I love what my life has been for the last decade. I am really sad to move on.

Disappointed. I am disappointed that my transition has not been nearly as smooth as it could have been. That is all I want to say about that.

Scared. Really scared. The future is still unknown. What exactly is next for us? Will we be able to accomplish what we are supposed to accomplish? What if we fail? How will this all work out? Will our kids be OK? I am worried that I won’t be good enough. I shouldn’t be worried, but I am. Stepping into the unknown both inspires me and scares the crap out of me.

Grateful. I am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to live in Hamilton, start a holistic Christian community, start a coffee house, live where I live, form the friendships I have, learn what I have learned. There are people inside and outside The Freeway, inside and outside The Salvation Army, and inside and outside this town who have shaped me… and helped me… and formed me… and took a chance on me… and let me take a chance on them. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have had and for the people I have met.

So, what’s next for us? I will be taking a bit of a break this Fall. Slowing things down, as it were. I have some speaking engagements lined up and a possible part-time job… but I am purposely taking some down time to reflect, replenish, and gear up for what’s next. And what’s that? Well, early in the new year we will begin the work of starting a new holistic Christian community.

More on that soon…