I Like To Iron Things
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
I have to admit something which is fairly embarrassing for me: I iron clothes a lot. Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, pretty much everything I wear [aside from undergarments] I iron them, and iron them well. I have to iron them in the morning right before I put them on. I really hate wrinkles. I don't totally know why, but I do. I am obsessive about ironing clothes. I bring an iron with me on trips... just in case. I iron shorts that I am about to wear to go ride my bike, or play basketball, or jog. Ridiculous.
I tell you all of this, because public humiliation is great... no, because this is one symptom of a larger problem I have. I need help. My obsessive compulsive perfectionist tendencies are simply annoying. I like things a certain way, and I am prepared to work my arse off to get them that way. I need things to be just right.
Those who know my family know I come by it quite naturally. I come from a long line of perfectionists.
Now, this is not all necessarily bad, in that working hard to achieve goals and doing your best can be admirable traits. The problem is, however, I have the same - often unreasonable - expectations of others that I have of myself.
See, I want things done right and deep down I think everyone should strive for that level of perfection. They shouldn't. But I think they should. And, frankly, I often think I can do better myself.
One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in the last decade is that no one can do things exactly like me. Thank God, because I screw a lot of crap up. It is unfair and unreasonable to expect others to achieve things at the same level, and in the same way as me.
Being a church planter has made me face this weakness in my character over and over again. In fact, it has exposed every single limitation within me constantly.
Being a bit of a pioneer and having vision as a leader and the ability to start new initiatives, comes with a high price tag for me in terms of this weakness. Basically, my tendency is to have everything have to be built on me... my ideas... my hard work... my decision-making... my skills. I have needed to fight that urge at every turn, and I continue to have to fight it.
My feeling is that if I am to continue to become the missional practitioner in this context that I think Jesus desires me to be, and to lead The Freeway into the next phase of living as a missional community, then I have to kill the urge within me to be successful, to do everything well, to be recognized, and to lead everything myself [or to have it done the way I would do it]. I need to relinquish, trust God, and trust those I am in community with. This has been very hard for me in the past, and likely will continue to be.
I guess at the end of the day, I really want to be OK with wrinkly clothes... or clothes ironed by someone else that don't look like they would if I had ironed them myself. Because those who iron them bear the mark of the Creator as well... and from the beginning he has been drawing people to himself and accomplishing his work, not by the great skill of those who iron perfectly, but by our inability to do things by ourselves, and our total reliance on him.
I tell you all of this, because public humiliation is great... no, because this is one symptom of a larger problem I have. I need help. My obsessive compulsive perfectionist tendencies are simply annoying. I like things a certain way, and I am prepared to work my arse off to get them that way. I need things to be just right.
Those who know my family know I come by it quite naturally. I come from a long line of perfectionists.
Now, this is not all necessarily bad, in that working hard to achieve goals and doing your best can be admirable traits. The problem is, however, I have the same - often unreasonable - expectations of others that I have of myself.
See, I want things done right and deep down I think everyone should strive for that level of perfection. They shouldn't. But I think they should. And, frankly, I often think I can do better myself.
One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in the last decade is that no one can do things exactly like me. Thank God, because I screw a lot of crap up. It is unfair and unreasonable to expect others to achieve things at the same level, and in the same way as me.
Being a church planter has made me face this weakness in my character over and over again. In fact, it has exposed every single limitation within me constantly.
Being a bit of a pioneer and having vision as a leader and the ability to start new initiatives, comes with a high price tag for me in terms of this weakness. Basically, my tendency is to have everything have to be built on me... my ideas... my hard work... my decision-making... my skills. I have needed to fight that urge at every turn, and I continue to have to fight it.
My feeling is that if I am to continue to become the missional practitioner in this context that I think Jesus desires me to be, and to lead The Freeway into the next phase of living as a missional community, then I have to kill the urge within me to be successful, to do everything well, to be recognized, and to lead everything myself [or to have it done the way I would do it]. I need to relinquish, trust God, and trust those I am in community with. This has been very hard for me in the past, and likely will continue to be.
I guess at the end of the day, I really want to be OK with wrinkly clothes... or clothes ironed by someone else that don't look like they would if I had ironed them myself. Because those who iron them bear the mark of the Creator as well... and from the beginning he has been drawing people to himself and accomplishing his work, not by the great skill of those who iron perfectly, but by our inability to do things by ourselves, and our total reliance on him.
Labels: leadership, personal, writing
5:28 PM
You are not alone in your struggle. The OCD is certainly a family trait. Although I don't iron my jeans (didn't we used to make fun of dad for that?) I do expect perfection. Hopefully recognizing the problem is the first step to recovery:)