The problem is, I have a very, very hard time accepting it from others... and an even harder time giving it. There are many people who I deeply love, but I louse [is that a real word?] things up so badly with my words, actions [or lack thereof], attitudes, etc. that they may not even know how I actually feel about them.

I suck at communicating love much of the time. I am far too self-absorbed, way too concerned about how I "come across", too prideful, too "busy", and frankly, too worried about what people might think, to really recklessly, unselfishly love people that I actually like [never mind my enemies and those I don't have a connection with].

And I have become so aware of this as of late [perhaps it was all the time I had to think while on vacation]: I really feel like I am learning what deep community is these last couple years - and even experiencing it - but I have not yet learned how to not hurt people or be hurt myself. I don't even know if it's possible to find real community without the lack of pain, loss, hurt. But I want to move beyond where I am as a follower of Jesus and as a lover of people.

I want to be a lover.
I want to experience deep community.
I want to be part of helping others find it as well.
I want to express to the people in my life how I really feel.
I want to be vulnerable, reckless, unashamed, child-like in my love for people.
I want to allow Jesus to love through me.
I want to.

Labels: community, leadership, personal